Grief Counseling – Overcoming Grief

When someone dear to us passes on, we have no idea how it will affect us until we cross that bridge. No amount of preparation for their passing will mitigate the emotional experience that hits us when it actually happens. Why is that?

For one, that person had personal meaning to you; they filled a need that your subconscious is now acutely aware is no longer going to be filled by that person. It can suddenly therefore bring up subconscious emotions of abandonment, unrequited love, insecurity, and vulnerability. We are not consciously aware of these subconscious emotions unless we are particularly gifted in meditation, or have expert counseling or have the blessing to experience the relief of Neuro-Emotional Technique invented by Dr. Scott Walker. Once the emotions related to unmet needs are identified, then and only then can we be objectively counseled to the realization that we can cherish what that person meant for us, how they made us feel loved and why we loved them.  We can then come to realize that we are not alone in this world and that we can give ourselves the same love and support our loved one gave us and we can also forge new and deeper relationships to have those needs met in a healthy way!

An example is when my mother passed, I recalled feeling like I’d never know the kind of love she gave me. On analysis, one aspect of the kind of love I was missing was knowing that I would be cared for if I fell ill. I recalled times as a child when she would sit by my bedside and even feed me when I was too weak. I then realized that there are people in my life that would come to my care should I need such care and comfort and it helped me to appreciate all that my mom did for me in her memory without breaking down in utter grief, to love her for that, and to feel comforted that others would be in my life to meet that need somehow, someday. It made me realize that no one is irreplaceable, and that we could and need to forge new relationships to connect and love others as we all need each other. Their passing is a natural part of life as is our growing spiritually to appreciate all that they meant to us.

Another reason we get stuck in grief is because we have lost dreams and regrets. Accept the fact that its natural to have regrets for not making the time to take that trip with your loved one, or spend the time you thought you’d always have. However, your life stretches out before you, and you can in their loving memory take that trip with friends or new loved ones because they live on in your heart! You can learn from that regret, forgive yourself and live from this day forward without regret. In essence then, the passing of your loved one has helped to transform you to be a more loving, more present person in the lives of those with whom you are in contact.

As for lost dreams we had hoped to fulfill with our departed loved one, do take the time to mourn that loss. However, equally important is to acknowledge that the dream does not have to die! In fact it can still happen in your life with the people to come and who are now in your life. That gives you hope to know that life can still be full and your loved one beams down upon you with pride and happiness to know that as a tribute to your having loved them you found the courage, perseverance and desire to take that dream forward with others that you love in your life! This is a very real way of transforming grief to tribute the love you had experienced with your departed loved one.

Journal! Pour out your heart to this loved one for they surely hear you. More importantly, writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you to release it, gain insight from your outpourings and acknowledge all that they meant to you. You can even write them letters in your journal and say the things you never had time or opportunity to say.

Know that grief is a process of transformation and ending of a relationship. We need to come to terms of what they meant to us, to know that we will be ok in their absence in our lives, to know that we will be loved and supported by others in our life, and others that we have yet to meet and love. It gives us an opportunity to come to terms with our soul and our internal spiritual life. Out of the ashes of loss, will come grace, forgiveness, understanding, renewed internal strength and a greater capacity to love everyone in our life. That is the blessing in the passing of a loved one.

If you or someone you love is in the acute stage of emotional turmoil after someone’s passing, then they are in need of NET, which deals with the biochemistry of extinguishing the chemistry of emotion so that it doesn’t replay like a broken record and take us captive again and again, year after year. Talk therapy does little to stop this broken record of experiencing the same intensity of emotion again and again! With NET, the intensity of the emotion and the actual nature of the emotions that overcome us can be dissipated and resolved so that we can begin the work described above of transforming meaning in the natural process of death and its impact on our life and soul.  If you need more information, please contact us at 408-262-6900.

Please note:
Information on this site is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by your physician or other healthcare professional. You should not use the information on this site for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease, or prescribing any medication or other treatment.


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Anna Manayan

Anna Manayan